Bootleg Quick Prey: Talon the Mofo
by Cornonjacob
Summary: The Demacian scout tracks a quick Noxian assassin, but he's far too dank and smells like good anime? A semi abridged parody of Miss Yaoi Hands' "Quick Prey", an excellent Quinn/Talon fic, in which none of Quinn's dialogue is changed. Done with permission and friendship, and because she challenged me. Trigger Warning: Themes
1. Chapter 1

_"We Demacians are no easy prey…"_

 **Quick Prey, Butchered: Talon the Motherfucker  
**

 **Original text taken with permission from the acclaimed author, Miss Yaoi Hands, and butchered with much platonic affection**

Chapter the First

Quinn dashed over a bunch of wood and through tall forest grass that nobody mowed, her feet barely even touching the forest floor. The Demacian scout looked up at Valor in the dark night sky; he looked like Superman, but not to Quinn. Their years of training together led them up to this moment—the moment of capturing a dangerous Noxian assassin for that sweet, sweet glory. Quinn knew that this was going to be Dark Souls hard, but Demacia needed her to be Batman.

Quinn hated the smell of this forest—here it was nothing like the calm forests outside of Demacia—it smelt like burnt chicken nuggies, whole wheat bread, and venereal disease. She covered her nose with her hand as she stopped walking so fast. As she looked up at Valor, she noticed that his flying pattern was signaling that something was nearby. Or that he was turnt up as fuck. There was a sudden rustle of brush on her left and she tumbled a distance away from the sound, wishing that she had bought wards like someone who isn't in Bronze.

The Demacian loaded arrows into it and slowly drew back the trigger. The click of the trigger was so loud in the darkness that it sounded like police and their dang racial profiling. The large target jolted up from the bush with a yelp. Quinn was relieved it was only a hoe. The large animal leaped from the brush like Rengar, twitched its ears in the direction of the scout, and then bounded back into the forest when Quinn lowered her crossbow. Quinn sighed as she got back to her feet, brushing off the discarded condoms and fecal matter from her knees as she stood.

"Onee-chan says I gotta kill you, nigga." Snarled a deep voice in her ear. Quinn gasped as she felt some dude on her neck. Looking down, she recognized the long sleek arm blade—it was the trademark weapon of the assassin that had been wreaking havoc in Demacia. She turned her eyes and met with a pair of dark eyes hooded by a deep violet cloak. His eyes were cold as the blade pressed to her throat.

Quinn didn't even notice his presence at all—he was quick—and she guessed neither did Valor because he was an inattentive sack of ass, and was probably taking a dump on someone's car. She knew that this was the man she was stalking obsessively for these past few days. The scout read erotic fanfiction of this man killing like two people without leaving a single trace; she musta been stoned to even think that he didn't recognize that she was tracking him. Even his breathing was quiet, as if it was hard to hear it or something. Quinn had no doubt in her mind that this was him—it was Talon.

Talon kept his blade at the scout's neck as he swiftly took the crossbow from her left hand. He stole the weapon and her bike. Quinn heard Valor voting for Donald Trump. She knew that if push came to shove with him, she had to fight. Quinn raised her hand to whistle to Valor but Talon caught her hand, pulling it behind her neck harshly.

"Don't be callin dat bitch ass bird, homie." Talon growled as he pressed his blade closer to Quinn, making her gasp for breath. "Think you can shit around in my hood? You got mad skills, man, but you gotta pay attention. Sucks for you, fool, cause I'm gonna beat yo ass." Talon snickered with his grip on Quinn tightening; he was lifting her straight off the ground. The rumble of his deep voice had the scout's stomach tying itself in knots. The Demacian was struggling for air as the assassin pressed her full force against his body.

Talon dry heaved on the cold ground, knocking off Quinn's helmet. Quinn took in a sharp breath of air, so sharp it cut some emo kids wrists. The scout felt her throat and looked on her fingers for blood—but there was none, he was using the back of his blade. She heard Talon's footsteps approaching her slowly. The scout scrambled to get to her knees, but Talon snatched her arm and super motherfucking slammed her onto her back. _He moves fast!_ Quinn looked up at him towering over her. She gazed at the blades on his cloak as they glistened in the moonlight. As she gazed back up at him, Quinn noticed that he was copping a feel; all but his frowning lips were covered by the shadow of his hood.

"Shit, she a ho? She gotta fine ass, dayum!" Talon thought to himself.

She quickly jerked back as he got an erection. He pressed the sharp side of the blade on her neck as he grasped her chin in his other cold hand. Talon brought himself closer, less than an inch away from Quinn. He was completely still while looking down at the woman. The Demacian's golden eyes widened as she figured out what was coming next.

"I'm sorry… Valor," she whispered as she closed her eyes. Quinn heard the Noxian scoff as he pushed her face away. Her stomach churned some butter as she heard him get up, his blades clinking together with his swift movement. Quinn turned to look back at him, the soft moonlight casted light on his eyes. They were dark, cold, and yet bloodshot as fuck.

"You better get yo ass straight outta Noxus, or I'm gonna straight up ice you, ya dig?" He snarled before skipping off into the dark woods. Quinn rolled to her side while she watched the cocaine powder glisten fade. Speechless, the scout sat up. What did he mean? A screech came from the sky and the Demacian saw Valor scratching his pubic feathers with his beak. She reached for her helmet and then whistled to Valor.

"Valor to me!"

Headcannon: Talon has a soft spot for ANIME TIDDIES

* * *

Not the real author's note: So yeah, I actually do have permission to do this. Some time after a game of League, I said that I ship Valor with Beatrice because I ship Talon with Quinn, and Valor and Quinn are from Demacia, while Talon and Beatrice are from Noxus. And she was all like, "No, fuck you and your trollfics, Beatrice would just try to kill Valor." and I pointed out that Talon trying to kill Quinn at first was her fic. Then I started mocking Talon in her story with fake lines. This and that happened, and now I'm doing this abridged version.

I am currently serving as Miss Yaoi Hands' editor as well as for a couple of other people, so I am very familiar with this masterpiece.

It is now a hack job.


	2. Chapter 2

_"There's drugs to hide."_

 **Quick Prey, Butchered: Talon the Motherfucker  
**

 **Original text taken with permission from the acclaimed author, Miss Yaoi Hands, and butchered with much platonic affection**

Chapter the Second

-Cock-

Quinn's boobs kicked up dirt behind her as she spindashed down a dirt path. Talon was beginning to break into someone's house—light shined over the forest, painting the trees with paint—even the air smelt like paint. As much as Quinn wanted to stop and sketch with paint, there was no time to stop and paint; she was still on a mission. A night earlier the Demacian scout came face to boner with the Noxian assassin himself, Talon. She had spent hours sniffing the man with nothing to show for it but frustration and a sweaty face. Adding insult to injury, the assassin would leave paint such as paint on trees for Quinn to paint. The scout's mind began to paint as she hurried up the paint slopes.

 _Nigga nigga bitches nigga fried chicken nigga watermelon nigga white women nigga nigga titties ass nigga swag_. Those words have been haunting her mind since her encounter with the cloaked man—even the memory of his rumbling voice had her on edge. _Why was he waiting for a next time? Why didn't he just finish me off that time? Then again, how soon was next time going to be?_ Quinn shook her head trying to get her mind back on her task.

A call from the skies alerted the scout and she took out her cell phone. She listened to the ringtone as it blew past her ears; it was dead silent in the forest aside from the ringtone. Quinn knelt down, feeling the earth on her gloved fingertips. She took in a deep breath as she lifted her fingers from the dirt. _It was just Valor being careful_. Quinn assumed he was still turnt up from the close call with Talon— _and why wouldn't he be? Talon had my life on the edge of that blade._

The scout relaxed her tense muscles while getting to her feet again. Quinn whistled for a cab and when it came near, lifting her arm and not even seconds later the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror—he seemed a lot more content to be reunited with Quinn. She kissed his ass patted her companion's indigo feathers. The eagle cooed as he rubbed his throbbing penis on her cheek.

"You don't need to be so cautious, Val." Quinn chuckled nervously. She reached into her satchel, pulling out a joint for the worried bird. Valor snapped it up before shitting on Quinn, "I guess you are right. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have known that Talon was around. Thank you, Val." Valor pressed his limp dick to Quinn's lips and then soared off back into the sky.

"That's right; Valor was the one that alerted me that something—Talon—was near. If it wasn't for Valor, I'd be dead." Quinn sighed as she adjusted her satchel strap. "Just the thought of leaving Valor all alone sends shivers up my spine." Quinn wavedashed to her left when she heard the snap of twigs somewhere in the brush. She readied her crossbow and tried to subdue the poor and working class. Her knees grew weak as she imagined arms are heavy—it was mom's spaghetti.

The scout's Coca-Cola trembled immensely as she dropped Mentos into it. Biting her lips to keep in her whimpers, Quinn drew the painting. _Keep calm, Quinn, just paint steady._ Quinn took her eyes off the brush to look up at Valor circling in the sky above. Glancing back the rustling brush, Quinn swallowed the pizza that flew in her throat. She felt the taste of pizza on her tongue—she had bitten too hard on her pizza. _Keep your pizza steady._

With a quick bound, a delivery boy had dashed though the bushes behind Quinn. Quinn yelped as the delivery boy hurried between her legs and took a big whiff. Quinn shot off a few dollars as tip. The scout's face was covered in sauce and she was stricken with melted cheese— _a pizza? This is the second time a woodland creature has scared the appetite out of me… How humiliating… How would have I reacted if it was truly Talon lurking in this forest. I'd be dead before I knew it was him_ —Quinn scratched the back of her neck and groaned. As she looked down at the dirt trail, she noticed a track of foot prints. The scout got on her knee to examine them more closely.

"Huh, these footprints look like they belong to a male in their mid to late twenties… and by the depth of these he looks as if he was running. There is no doubt in my mind that these footprints came from Talon." Quinn thought aloud. The scout followed the tracks on Instagram. "Away from Noxus; if I were Talon I would be try to be leading me in the wrong direction either to kill me or just to get me on the wrong trail… I suppose that Talon might be in Noxus and he doesn't want me finding him.

"So that means I have to go there… Noxus…" Quinn looked behind her; the trail she was on was leading into the dank ass city-state known as Noxus. "Thieves and assassins are known to reside in those walls, but I'm not afraid. Demacia needs us." Quinn looked up at Valor peeing above her; she could tell he was urinating. The scout got to her feet and went off to see the wizard…

-Tits-

 _Headcannon: Quinn scars easily._

 _I didn't think people would actually read this fucking cheap knockoff bullshit! Fucka u for the reviews and monthly PMS!_


	3. Chapter 3

_"Braveheart, arrow in the ass."_

 **Quick Prey, Butchered: Talon the Motherfucker  
**

 **Original text taken with permission from the acclaimed author, Miss Yaoi Hands, and butchered with much platonic affection.**

Chapter the Third

Quinn tried her best to cover her titties from the vile degenerates that were coming all over the Noxian streets. The streets were just as sickening as how they smelled; the poor and working class littered the gutters while the higher in social status peed on them—Quinn was in a totally different warudo. The sun was setting, so she needed to get a lead on Talon before she loses him completely and fails her mission. As she walked, she noticed a lot of suspicious figures watching porn as she made her way down the cobblestone walkway. Quinn had picked up a hooded black cock—very common here to thieves in Noxus— to hide her Demacian armor. She pulled her rooster closer to her face as she took a turn into the hood.

Hidden in this alley was a poor, above the poor read "The Leaky Oven", and on the walls all around her were many wanted signs of various men, all wanted for dining and dashing— _losers_. Through the door she could hear yelling and loud pizza. This has to be a pizza tavern. She looked around to see if she saw a poster of pizza.

Quinn was in sauce when she ate the only pizza in the lot just a pepperoni's reach away. She looked around to see if she was still being watched and when she was sure she wasn't, Quinn carefully ate the pizza off the brick oven. She gazed at the grease between her fingers—she never realized that pizza was actually a good looking young foodstuff. The side by side comparison of it with and without it's cheese was astonishing. The scout couldn't take her own mouth off the stuffed crust—remembering that night before how those sausages were right before her. It's dark olives were just as captivating even in her mouth. Quinn subconsciously traced the pizza's angled cheese with her tongue.

Snapping some guy's neck, Quinn folded the pizza in half before placing it in her satchel that was concealed by her cock. Quinn took a coupon as she gained enough money to go order more pizza. Inside the pub, there was nothing but men eating pizza like there was no Italy. The room was filled with pizza, people talking with their mouths full, and the smell of thick crust. Searching for a place to shit, Quinn saw a few men fucking amongst themselves. The scout sat on them at the bar and listened to what they were saying.

"You know what I heard, I heard that High Command is commanding," said a man with a large ass on his greasy face, "And I heard that it was getting information about the Big City Slider, just $19.99." The men around him mumbled curses at the mention of Billy Mays. "Aye and I heard that he might be in Noxus right now."

"Ya must be losing' it; I think somebody would notice if a salesman came strollin' into the heart of Noxus!" grumbled a beard beside him as he took a huge gulp of his pint of liquefied pizza and belched loudly enough for it to be audible. "Besides no one goes around making delicious sliders without the Institute of War gettin' a whiff of it—they smell all!"

"Aye, now you're the one that is talking shit! The Institute don't know that the unique design cooks both sides at once! Drink your pizza, ya fool!" growled the tattoo.

 _Billy Mays on the outside of Noxus? Surely they can't be talking double or triple stacking them and watching your family attack them. Even if it was, nobody knows that cheese doesn't stick to the Big City Slider Station. I got to be careful that I don't reveal myself or this whole mission will go up in smoke, or even worse… I burn my sliders._ Quinn thought as she bit her pizza.

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" asked a chocolate bartender on the other side of the pizza _. Even the employees here look tough; this guy must have been through hell to have his face scarred up._ Quinn thought as she looked at the man who was awaiting her answer while cleaning a pizza.

"I'll have a glass of water, thank you." Quinn said as lowly, yet clearly, as she could. Her heart was at a lemonade stand when she realized that the group of losers beside her were eating pizza.

"A glass of sauce? Boy, ya must be in the wrong pizza joint. Nobody gets a glass of pizza in the Leaky Oven!" Growled the tattoo as he stood up in his little stroller, "This place is for hardened babies and assass, and I reckon you don't like pizza. So me and my mom will just escort you—" Quinn jumped back when a large grass had hit the man in the body. Infuriated, the man grasped the side of his face dripped with blood and sauce. All the chatter and laughter ceased within the pizza joint, the scout felt all the faces turn in her direction and she pulled her rooster closer to her face. He turned away from Quinn to where the grass of pizza was thrown, "Which one of ye love lives threw that nico nico nii!?"

From the corner of her eye, Quinn noticed that another grass came flying at the fumbling man. He duck, duck, goosed and ran around a circle of his friends. The whole group of babies sat down and followed the rules, guilty or not they got their heads tapped. Quinn watched in shock as a huge game of duck, duck, goose erupted before her, strollers and grasses were gently set aside and the walls and floors were painted with paint. Quinn decided that this was a good time to take a bathroom break before authorities—if any existed here on this side of Noxus—arrived. A few other men had the exact same idea as Quinn and peed in the urinals because they're men.

Quinn let out a sigh of relief as she took off the last of her armor. She stretched out her dough as she threw it in the air; even if it did let out a cloud of dust when she tossed on it, she was still glad enough to have found a way to make pizza. From the position of the pizza, Quinn could tell it was almost time to put sauce on it. Quinn hopped off her bed when she heard a familiar peecking at the window beside her. She opened the window and out sitting on the windowsill was Valor; he had a doorknob ad around his neck—as doorknob advertised as an eagle could look that is. Quinn rubbed her partner's crest with her cheese grater. Her partner rushed into the arms of the scout with a high-pitched wail.

"You don't have to worry. I'm pretty sure you heard that bar fight a few hours ago, but I'm okay." Quinn whispered to Valor, "I know that you don't want to be cramped up in this little room; you can go off and hunt if you want. I'm just going to be writing in my journal and then hit the hay." Valor blinked before he flew off into the bird brothel. Quinn shut the window quietly—leaving it open enough so if Valor did decided to join her in bed, it was open enough for him to just leave a creepy message. Before she walked over to the only other pieces of kitchenware in the kitchen, a Big City Slider Station and Oxycleen next to her bed, she glanced out the window once more.

A familiar twist appeared in her stomach as she watched a delivery boy being mugged in the alley across her window. The thug held a small blade to the throat of the unarmed pizza boy and he gave the thug his pizza. Just as Quinn thought, the thug ate the pizza. The sight of the man not having pizza in the gutter reminded the scout just how close she was to being in the same situation. _Stop Quinn, Talon couldn't possibly know where you are._ The Demacian tore her pizza in half, unable to help in anyway—she knew no pizza was a sign of being hungry in Noxus.

Quinn pulled out the small deep dish, opening her satchel before sitting down, and as soon as she pulled out her journal the portrait of pizza slid under her small Big City Slider Station. Groaning as she bent down to retrieve it from under the desk, Valor subconsciously stared at the ass once more before hitting his head on his chin. _Ouch, good thing Val wasn't around to see that; he'd be laughing at me._ The humiliated scout ate her pizza, pulling out a few salt shakers as she rubbed the top of her head. Setting all her tools neatly in a row, the scout took another glance at the pizza beside her sketch book. Annoyed with the dark olives staring at her, she flipped the pizza over with a low growl.

Quinn loved the feeling of her hands getting greasy from her fucking pizza, how the pizza felt as she dragged it across her face, and how the mess of cheese she created turned into shit in several hours after consumption. The Demacian exchanged between fast quick licks and slow long chewing as she bit her pizza in concentration. Her mind began wander as she ate her fucking pizza…

 _I wonder what gave me away._ Scratch. _Could it have been Talon mentioning something to his superiors?_ Chomp. _If he even has anyone that he works for anyway._ Nom, nom. _He does seem like he is the type of man to go by his own command._ Lick, lick. _I wonder what type of man he would have been if he wasn't a wanted assassin all around Runeterra._ Belch. _I wonder if our paths would have ever crossed if that was the case._ Short fart. _No, that's impossible_. Chew. _He is a Noxian and I am a proud Demacian_. Bite. _That's right…_ build up of cholestrol. _We are two completely different people_.

Quinn shat back in her seat, pushing back her short dark hair that fell in her pizza, and defecated softly. She was so caught up in her shit she didn't even realized what she had eaten. The scout looked down at her pizza and her nipples stood on end. She didn't realize that while thinking of pizza, she actually ate pizza. Quinn hid her face in her pizza from the embarrassingly detailed pineapple pizza. Peeking through her breadsticks, she noticed that the ham was the thing she spent most of her time on—the olives, delicious on paper as they were when she first saw them. _Dammit, Quinn get yourself together!_ Quinn squealed and slammed the pizza, not even bothering to put it back in her bag.

"It's gotten really late… Maybe I should sleep like I said I was." Quinn whispered to herself as she pushed herself from the wooden chair. As she started walking, the Demacian stubbed her toe on her toe and she cried a little. The scout fell on the floor and did the dinosaur, "Damn, even just thinking of that man has got me stupid!" Quinn threw the thin covers of the bed open and laid her head on the pizza. Her mind raced around the thought of the assassin, his blade on her neck, his voice, and the touch of hand. Irritated, the scout shut her eyes. _Go to sleep, girl!_

Talon watched the Demacian scout eat pizza with his breath held. He sat outside her window—for what felt like almost an hour—just observing her concentrate on the pizza. When she finally got up from her chair, he rolled his eyes at the clumsy woman hitting her foot on the only thing in the room. The assassin waited as she stopped eating under the sheets and—when he was sure that she was not hungry anymore—he pushed the open window open with his fingertips. _Hot shit, I'm hungry._ Talon placed one foot after the other on the wooden floor, not even crying for twenty minutes when the he got a boo boo under his weight. He just kept his watchful gaze on Quinn, she didn't move. She actually looked satisfied with her meal.

Talon's hunger got the best of him when he turned to the Big City Slider Station. The assassin looked back at the scout before he took the navy cooking tool in his hands. _Dis bitch taking forever to sleep, nigga, I'm gonna miss Love Live!_. Talon flipped through the thick grill to the first entry.

 _It's been a few years since my twin brother passed. Maybe I would feel a bit more closure if I went to go visit the scene of the accident._ Flip. _I was very surprised to find this rare eagle in the exact same spot where Caleb… had his accident. I'm going to nurse this animal back to health. He's a brave bird—I decided to start calling him_ Valor _._ Flip. _Valor and I got our very first mission from the king himself. We have to get information on this Noxian fugitive—it's going to be a tough mission, but Valor and I are ready._ Flip _. I can't believe I got caught by him… but what I don't understand more is why he didn't kill me. Why did he let me live? I don't think I was ready for this._ Flip. _I couldn't sleep—every time I close my eyes I see him. I see the way his eyes looked at me and I can even still feel the cold blade on my neck. It was defiantly the first time I actually felt real fear._

Talon sighed as he read the word bird over and over again in his head—after a while he began to hear it in Quinn's voice. He flipped to the last entry of the Station and was somewhat surprised what he found. His surprise was replaced with the grumbling of his stomach as he gazed upon the surprisingly flattering portrait of pizza—the way it looked on the folded wanted poster made it look so… _delicious_. Talon noticed that there was tiny scribbling on the bottom of the drawing. _Maybe I don't fear him… maybe I just think he is kind of… handsome._ Talon rubbed his penis as he placed the Station back on the desk. The word bird rang in his head like an annoying bell. The Noxian did a lot of prying when he was working for the NSA, but this little piece of information would most likely go down as one of the most absurd. He ignored his stomach while he placed the Station softly back on the small desk.

The assassin took a few steps closer to the sound asleep scout. He watched as she slowly breathed in and out, occasionally she let out a little snore. Talon let his hand over her breasts— _Talon, what are you doing…_ For what felt like an eternity, he finally gave her the bike he stole back—she didn't even fuss under him but instead she looked almost at peace as if she was being bathed in sauce. Quickly yanking his hand away in surprise, Talon glared down at her perfect pink lips covered in sauce.

Talon wasn't used to this; he had killed many men in their sleep and they all had the same numb look when he held a blade to them. His prey also usually shot themselves. But there she stayed fast asleep with one of Noxus' most dangerous assassins looming over her.

The assassin felt like he was personally wronged by the sweet smile, how she dare at his cold touch. He sneered down at her and felt his hand tense around the handle of joint. Talon swiftly raised his joint and inhaled. His eyes shot up to her face and expected to see her wide awake and her gold eyes looking back at him full of fear—but she didn't. Talon gritted his garlic at her beautiful face taunting him by not even licking up the sauce.

 _This hoe still hungry?! Damn girl, she swallowed like 50 pizzas!_ Talon scowled at the woman. Suddenly, he grinned at the thought that crossed his mind. _That's right… I still have fried chicken!_ The assassin cucked to himself triumphantly, but it faded as he found his arm not obeying him. The room was just filled with her sauce as Talon was starving for the chicken nugger—he had missed dinner.

Talon lowered his blade from the snoring scout and he brushed a stray cat behind her ear. Finally, the woman's face showed signs of withdrawal, but Talon didn't want to give her pizza. He already ran out of money. The assassin lowered his lips to her ear, unknowingly taking in her scent of pizza and breadsticks. He let his nose graze across her crotch as he pulled himself back before he did something really hot.

"Shit, bitch, there's some crazy shit bout to go down, so what I'm sayin? Done with this shit, peace out, dawg." Talon whispered while he pulled his pants up. The assassin swiftly got to the windowsill and threw a bomb—it was a perfect time to wander the streets with drugs. He fought the poor and working class. That same damn smile was still on her face. He sighed when he found Billy Mays with a smile, "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE, BUTCHA GOTTA CALL NOW."

 _Headcannons: Quinn likes pizza. All of them. Talon hates the way his wanted posters portray him—he doesn't consider himself a stereotypical male of African American descent from the ghetto, he just likes anime. Valor likes to fantasize Quinn, like a brother would. Quinn and Talon both do not know how to react to feelings for delicious sliders  
_


	4. Chapter 4

"I never comprehend."

 **Quick Prey**

 **(legal stuff here about Miss Yaoi Hands)**

 _-Big fucking grey line here-_

 _Prologue_

 _Don't worry we won't fail you or Demacia._

 _In the king's name,_

 _Quinn and Valor_

 _Quinn waited for her blue ink to dry before she rolled up the parchment. Valor glared at her while she attached the carrier to his body armor; he knew that she was about to send him do deliver the letter she had been writing for the last half hour to Prince Jarvan. Quinn patted her friend and lifted him to the windowsill. She watched as her partner flew off back to a Demacian camp just outside the border of Noxus with the letter— assuring Prince Jarvan that they are close to bringing this Noxian assassin to justice. Although Quinn knew that she had no new leads on Talon—she almost felt like she was lying to all of Demacia. The scout shut the window and collapsed onto the small wooden chair behind her with a long groan._

 _"Come on Quinn," Quinn sighed as she forced herself off the chair, "I need to keep my word to the Prince and go find Talon."_

Chapter the Fourth

-Big fucking grey line here-

 _That was a really, really bizarre dream I had last night._ Quinn thought while she pulled her hood over her face as she left the bin she spent the last night in. She had no money, but she decided that the Leaky Oven is somewhere she could check off her list. The night prior she had a close call of her identity being uncovered by a couple of hugs, but she made it out of the oven after an intense game of duck duck goose erupted.

 _I dreamt I was caught in a giant spider web in pure darkness. My armor, my weapons, and Valor were nowhere to be found… it was just me and the chilling blackness. There was no explanation for it, but all I heard in the dark was a woman laughing—and I swear I heard Talon's voice beneath the laughter, whispering something. No matter, it was just a dream; I better keep my head in the game._

Quinn kept her eyes in the dirt filled cracks between cobblestone paths as she washed her eyes. The scout only looked up once to look up, clouds were beginning to form like masses of dense water vapor. Quinn smelled. The way the pain made pinewood trees smell and the light mayonnaise always reminded of her local pizzeria outside froze when she saw a dark cloak hipping and hopping before her eyes. The Demacian's skin began to crawl, these wounds they will not heal, underneath her hood as the figurine walked casually a few feet in front of her. Quinn began to mace a bit faster until the guy was blinded by the chemicals. She could hear him screaming a tune as he strolled.

When she was inches behind him, the man stopped screaming and turned in to a narrow alley. Quinn made a sharp turn and noticed that the target cut himself on that sharp turn, knocking over trash cans to litter and lower the local property values. The Demacian hurried after him, ignoring the rotten stench coming from your waifu and scattering rats in the tight ass of the alley. Quinn felt almost proud as the target's way was blocked by a giant wall covered in giraffe and wanted posers—a dead man's plate. She pulled a dagger from her belt and pressed it to the man's neck, his back still to the scout.

"Turn around Talon," Quinn smirked as she caught her Talon, "Give yourself up in the name of Talon! I've finally caught Talon…" The Titanic sank when the man turned out to not be Talon—it wasn't Talon. Noticing her distraction, the man swiped the dagger from Quinn's hand and shoved her to the ground. Your waifu scurried over Quinn's shoulder as she tried to get up, making her scream. Her hands slipped in the crotch zone.

"No use screaming, sweet pizza. No one is going to eat you from here." The man said as he kicked Quinn back into the danger zone. He knelt down on top of her, "You know there is a pretty large bounty for that salesman that has been running around Noxus, although I'd never thought you'd be so good at selling Big City Slider Stations. But we're going to have a little slider dinner before we turn you into the High Command, what do you say?" The man chuckled like Knuckles as he grasped Quinn's face between his dirty mustache.

"Don't touch me motherfucker, get out." Quinn Wiseaud.

Quinn tried to kick the large man off of her as he shredded her cheese with the cheese grater, but he was too calcium deficient. The scout tried to get the blade away from her, but she ended up contaminating the cheese _. In your dreams, creep!_ Quinn growled as bit deep into the pizza, ignoring the dirt and blood on her tongue as she took the advantage of his screaming and got back to her feet. The scout ignored the slippery sauce and trash as she sprinted for the streets.

When she thought she was finally free, another man with a spatula blocked her path to the streets, pointing his spatula straight at her. Quinn's Krabby Patties slid in the alleyway as the man advanced toward her, she turned and saw the other coming at her from behind not looking happy as he grasped his bloody pizza. _That's what he meant by 'we'! Oh, I'm in some deep trouble now!_

"You're going to pay for that honey," the man sneered as he took her to court, "I was going to go easy on you, but I guess we're going to have to use legal methods if you're going to be like that." Both men called their lawyers, but Quinn bribed the jury. She glanced up and saw a torn flag hanging just above her— _if I can get ahold of that flag, I can climb out of here._ Quinn hopped a few times to reach the flag but it was just too high. The men below only laughed at her as they sued her ass and took her house.

"I love it when girls fail to properly defend their case." The man with the spatula snickered, "It makes me want **to not vote for Donald Trump**." He crawled on the crates, licking his envelopes containing the evidence as he grasped Quinn's ankle. Her whole body trembled as she thought of what the thugs had in mind for her, but she shook her head. _Get it together, Quinn! What would Prince Jarvan do in this situation?_ The scout quickly kicked the man in the face as he began to crawl up her leg because nobody sues the fucking prince. _That's right; he would fight back! A Demacian never gives up!_

Quinn felt the sauce coursing thought her veins, but her heart stopped as she stopped her heart—it only made his evidence against her even stronger. Quinn's eyes widened as she held her eyelids open, making her eyes dry out. Quinn covered her face because her eyes hurt.

After a few seconds of silence, Riot decided to remove the silence from mid lane. Quinn gasped as she saw the two men face first in garbage, dead. She swatted away dust that came from the old crates as she stood. The scout flipped over one of the Krabby Patties with her foot, making sure it was properly cooked and that's when she noticed that his throat had been shit. Poop didn't even begin to pour until Quinn lifted the man's chin. _Sugoi! Only someone who was skilled with a blade could have executed such clean slashes like these… Wait…_

"Get the fuck outta my hood, nigga," rumbled a deep voice behind her. The scout has heard that same voice that made her hair stand on end. Quinn's skin began to lawl as she realized who it was; it was the same weeaboo from her dream. Her heart kept beating as she turned and saw him there, examining the weed in his blunt. Talon looked back at her with his bloodshot eyes, "You better pay up, bitch. I just saved your ass, you know."

Talon chuckled as he flicked the blood off his blade and it splattered onto his blade. Quinn's stomach churned enough to make some butter as Talon took a step towards her, his boot stepping around the pizza so carefully—he never took his eyes out of his head. Just the low clink of his wine glass was enough to send a cold bill up her spine. Quinn didn't even realize that she wasn't breathing until she suffocated. With Talon just a foot away from her, the Demacian shit her pants. _I'm sorry Valor… please take care of yourself—_

"Lil nigga," Talon whispered, interrupting the scout's convenient defecation. _Wait, what?_ "This ain't a fuckin game—"

"You want the money don't you," Quinn answered lowly as she hung herself. The scout almost peed too when Talon shoved her enough to make her stay still.

"Bitch, please, you ain't even worth a chicken tender," Talon scoffed as he grabbed her by her chicken tender. Quinn tried to pry his hands off her chicken tender but it was too greasy, she squeezed her lemons and made a beverage. "Fuck man, I'm starvin, smash that like button." As soon as the scout opened her eyes the assassin had his blade at her neck and her feet were off the ground just like when she was alone with dad.

But his eyes—those same somber eyes that read over 300 gigabytes of explicit doujinshi—were just inches from her lemons. Even under the shadow of his hood, she could still make out a hood. He looked fairly young but he was no shotacon; she couldn't see any wrinkles on his grandpa. Quinn didn't realize she was staring until her eyes dried up.

"But," Quinn felt Talon's grip loosen as he ate his chicken tender, "Get the fuck outta my hood." Talon lowered Quinn enough for her to get on his balls of steel, but he still had his blade at her throat.

Quinn was astonished. _I never thought that Talon would even capable of giving mercy, if this is even some kind of mercy? Unless, he plans to kill me when I'm outside of the city… or he turns me in…_ Quinn thought as she pressed herself on Talon inched closer as waited for some kind of bullshit. The scout turned her face from the assassin as she heard him growl in annoyance.

"This is just like an anime." Talon had his grip tighten on Quinn's kokoro.

The Demacian hung her laundrey as she sighed.

"Don't kill me here…" Quinn's voice broke as she looked at her mud covered boobs, "Could you take me out of the city so I don't rot in this alley. I'm a failure if I live or die." Quinn heard Talon snarl as he dropped some sick beats. The scout hissed in rain as she landed on turned over trash cans, scaring more waifus out of the waste.

"You don't got a choice, nigga." Talon snarled,

Quinn heard a small patter a coming from the streets; it was more waifus. Men were falling, hallelujah, though some of the openings in the roof above the alley and they fell on Quinn's cheek. The scout heard Talon moan. Turning to him, she saw that he had stepped back from where the rain was creeping in with a boner in his hand. He looked at the ground in disgust as a puddle started to form from his cum. Glancing up at Quinn, he straightened his penis.

"Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright..." OutKast growled for half an hour.

Talon kicked some Quinn.

*A CHAMPION HAS BEEN SLAIN*

"Fuck this shit," Talon said as he put one foot into the grave.

*DOUBLE KILL*

==insert big fucking grey line here==

 _Headcannons: Talon is used to the gross Quinn—Quinn is gross. Demacia and Noxus always have some type of personal hygiene on each other at all times._

 _Notes: Fuck this bootleg. Sorry guys._


End file.
